My last week of freedom

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Next week, I go back to work.  I’m excited and nervous and overall, feeling thrilled!  And I’m busy doing all the things I need to do in order to prepare to go back.  Got a haircut, researching trains or public transit vs. parking, need to pick up some shoes… things like that.  I’m also spending time enjoying the newest member of our family.  Onyx.  He is a very tiny, very sweet little black kitten with grey/blue eyes that we rescued this weekend.  George, my 9 year old Siamese is still reserving his judgement, but I’d say he seems OK with it.

This weekend, the kids and I will go to the pumpkin patch and pick out a pumpkin or two. I’m excited to go and enjoy a little fall.  🙂

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I’ve been in hibernation mode for a few weeks.  I’m not doing it on purpose, but I can’t seem to help myself.  Part of it is the change of seasons, but there is certainly more to it.  I will say tho, I am looking forward to our first holidays here in the new house.  I can’t wait to decorate and make a little bit of a fuss.  I look forward to making and bottling Kahlua for Christmas gifts (although this year, I’m also making candles for folks!) and doing Christmas with the kids the way we want to.  I’m also hopeful to get at least a little snow this year.  I’d bet the houses in my neighborhood would be so pretty.  It’s these dreams and ideas that are keeping my head up.  🙂  Actually, sometimes I feel a little guilty.  Life is pretty good these days.  New job, enjoying my new home, I had an amazing summer, my kids are enjoying school… I have it better than a lot of folks, and I’m truly thankful and appreciative of it all.  Knowing that, it’s sometimes hard to allow myself to be down in the dumps this time of year.  There’s so much life to enjoy!  But then I think back… 7 years ago… I was huge as a house and just ready for my pregnancy to be complete.  I didn’t know that in 10 days, I would meet a little man that would completely change my life and who I am.  There is not a single day that goes by that I do not think about him.  Sometimes it’s sad, sometimes it’s not.  Sometimes I happily reminisce, and other times it hurts deep down at the core of who I am.

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I’m doing well tho… gosh that almost sounds contrite, but that is the truth.  I’ve spent the last year or so really looking at my life, my behaviors and choices, and my patterns.  I’ve looked at my relationships with others and have chosen paths to help ensure that only healthy relationships are what I surround myself with (to the best of my ability).  I’ve learned to be alone and to be content with that.  Honestly, it feels good and I’m proud of where I am at.  Although, I am a little frustrated with my village these days.  It’s gotten a lot smaller over the past year – some of my own choosing and some not.  I’d love to make some new friends – but at the same time… now that my core inner circle has been shaken up so much, I’m hesitant to open up and take in new people.  I’m unsure of who to trust – and I realize it takes time.  I suppose finding new friends can be a bit like dating at times. LOL.  And that’s just not my idea of fun!  So, I guess it means that my village will stay small.  🙂   It will be a different holiday season for me this year, that is certain.

Well – that’s my update for now.  Have a nice day Neverland!  Love ya!

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2 thoughts on “My last week of freedom

  1. Mouse says:

    Love this! So honest and raw and real. Yeah, I know what you mean about the people-close-to-you circle being narrowed down. It does suck, how much time it takes to learn to trust again, but it’s better than letting the wrong ones in too soon. You sound mostly at peace – so happy for you! A word of advice about the holidays: YES! Do go for it, all-out (if that’s what you used to do). I really makes a big difference in your own perceptions/happiness when you “make” yourself acknowledge them. (My own, personal experience.) Hugs, SSS! 🙂

    Like

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