Free to roam

In the past month or so, I’ve been attempting something a bit unusual for me.  At night, instead of wearing my pajamas or nightgowns, I’ve been doing the sports bra and undies thing.  For one, it’s hot.  But more than that, it’s my attempt at learning to become more comfortable and confident in my own body.

Now some of you may be thinking … “what’s the big deal?”

Let me try and explain.  I have never lived alone before.  There was always someone else in the home.. be it a family member, a significant other, a roommate and if not one of those, most definitely a child or two. Privacy is just something I don’t get a lot of, so the idea of wandering my house naked isn’t really a fantasy that I have.  And lastly – I’ve just never been that comfortable in my own skin.  I’ve never been the girl to feel confident living in my own body.  I hate my post-babies tummy… and the idea of baring it, even to myself just isn’t something that I’ve EVER been comfortable with.

Prego Amy.tif

I’ve been tossing and turning.  I can’t sleep.  I hurt too much.  Apparently I have a cracked rib and the discomfort is keeping me from getting much sleep.  I got up and wandered to the kitchen for something to drink and for the first time in my life, I didn’t put on a robe.  I just wandered out there, grabbed the tea and swigged a big gulp straight from the jug.  And as I walked back into my room, I caught a glimpse of myself… and smiled.  I’m looking good!

I may not be at a point where I’d feel comfortable with the world seeing me like that, I’m content enough knowing that I like what I see in the  mirror these days.  That girl staring back at me … she’s a pretty cool chick.  🙂

Damn…. life is good – even if I AM awake at 3:30 in the morning.

Good night Neverland.  Sleep well.

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