Most of my life, I have been striving to “be enough”. Whether it be to measure up to the expectations my parents or grandparents had of me, measuring up with friends in school, pushing myself to “be enough” for my career, my kids, and of course, with my significant others.
But here’s the thing… very rarely, did I ever feel like I actually accomplished that goal. Very rarely in my past relationships, did I feel like I came first, or was a top priority. With the ex, alcohol always ranked higher than I did. And truthfully, I can take some of the blame for this one… because I allowed it.
Far too often in my life, I have allowed myself to be too nice. To be a doormat for others needs or feelings. I have put myself in that position time after time. Today, it dawned on me that moving forward, I cannot allow myself to accept that any more. I don’t want to be someone’s back up. I don’t want to be a second choice. I’m worth more than that and I deserve more than that and it’s about time I start remembering that. I have such high expectations for myself, and yet often, I won’t hold those same expectations of others.
Well no more. If I look at what I ask from significant others, it’s NOT like I’m asking for too much. I don’t need someone to support me financially. I’m not the clingy, overly emotional type. I actually typically don’t fall into many of those stereotypical negative girl traits. And I’m glad. Because I’m me. And damn it, that’s enough.
As far as updates go – I’m mostly packed. I think total we’re at about 90% of the way packed up and ready to go. I’ve got to stop at the bank on the way home to get the cashier’s check for the down payment, because in the morning, I go and pay the money and sign the paperwork. The movers will be at the old house on Friday morning. I took the day off and I’m very happy for it.
This weekend I bought a couch, 2 chairs and a coffee table for the new place. I also paid off the remaining balance on my new fridge and set up delivery. Comcast will be set up and installed on Friday morning as well. I can’t believe it, it’s all finally happening! It feels amazing. I’ve never been more proud of myself. Life is really only just beginning to get good… and if I have anything to say about it, it’s only going to keep getting better. I have the drive, the determination and the ability to go after my goals and dreams. Everything I’ve ever wanted, is right in front of me. 🙂 I just have to have the courage to reach out and take it.
Here I go… wish me luck. 🙂