We’re a month into the new year…

So much has been going on lately, my apologies for not updating things here.  The single, working mom’s life is interesting.  Never a dull moment!  🙂  Truthfully, things have never been better.  I’m excited for the year to come.

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In approximately 2 months, I will have purchased a home and hopefully be all moved in, or at the very least, in the process of doing so.  I’m so excited, no.. thrilled… no .. no words can truly do justice on this one.

I’ve been allowing myself to dream a little bit when I go to tour places.  It’s so much fun.  I picture where I could put my christmas tree, I picture a place for my office, I picture my decorations or new landscaping, I picture baking or entertaining friends.  I’ve wanted to own a home since I was a kid.  A forever home.  A place that my kids can count on me being when they return home from their adventures and lives elsewhere.  Some place that I could love and restore and add on to.  Sure, eventually I’d like to do some income property of some sort.  But home.  I’ve been in search of it for a few years it seems.  It’s about time I give it some priority and bring that little dream to life.

Puppy training is going well.  Today especially.  A new friend suggested I treat it a bit like role playing, and I think that helped a bit.  It was a definite confidence boost.  🙂 I’ve been struggling to “Be the Alpha”.  I’ve never played the bad cop well.. I’m the good cop.  The one with the hug, a cup of tea and a cookie.  The cheerleader and encourager, not the punisher or enforcement.  This is a trait I will learn.  I’m determined to be a good dog owner.  I know I’m a good cat owner.  Kitties and I have great understanding.  🙂  I adore dogs too, the cuddles and the snores and the companionship. I just have to get a bit better at it. 🙂

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I’m almost done with building out a new piece of software at work.  It’s just a base for what I really want to be able to do, but it’s such a huge step for this company from a technology standpoint that I’m already super excited and proud about it.  It’s been a crazy push to make it to these deadlines.  Heck, it’s 10:30pm on a sunday and I literally just logged off from putting in 5 hours tonight just to get a little ahead for my morning. But, I’m excited for the coming week ahead, now that I’m feeling a bit clearer in the head, I have some ideas I can’t wait to prototype out this week.

My kids spent the weekend with their Dad and I had the nice opportunity to go out with some friends, play some video games, and just generally enjoy myself and recover from the miserable head cold I’d managed to come down with last week. It’s nice to be in a good place with the ex too.  Granted, we haven’t had issues in quite some time now, but I started thinking today about how lucky I have it in that regards.  We communicate better now than we ever had.  He seems to be happy and doing well in his life and he knows that deep down, I’m still rooting for him to succeed in all that he dreams.  It’s nice to be in this kind of space.

I’ve had the chance to reconnect with a few old friends in the last couple of weekends and it’s been really nice to catch up and just take a few moments and not have any responsibilities or requirements other than to just be me.  I get wrapped up in so many things… being a boss, being a mom, being a friend, being a daughter or granddaughter.  It’s rare these days for me to get to just focus on being me.  A friend challenged me to figure out a way to discover that I’m a beautiful woman this year.  So I’ve been attempting to learn that.  Got my hair done, as it had been a while.  Did my nails, it had been a while on that one too.  I think I came to the realization that my friend may be right when, after taking a couple of selfies, I was in surprise at the woman staring back at me.  That’s not me.  But it is.  And she’s … pretty.  And confident.  And there’s a bit of wisdom in her eyes that I didn’t know was there.

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I’ve been thinking a lot about my life this past week.  About bucket lists and resolutions.  I’ve never really been one to do that kind of thing.  Of course, I do have a Bucket list, it can be found on this blog… but that was a first for me too.  🙂  I didn’t come up with any resolutions this year.  Mainly because I felt that if I worded them that way, I wouldn’t actually accomplish them.  I’ve simply been reminding myself each day with a quote I stumbled upon on Pinterest.  Odd place to find something so life affirming, but there it is.

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“You only have one life.  How exactly are you going to spend it?  Regretting?  Questioning?  Crying?  Hating yourself?  Running around after people who don’t give a shit about you?  You have one life.  Spend it well.  Go out, and make yourself proud.”

It’s about damn time that I remember that, and live up to it every day.  Sure I’ll falter here and there.  Self doubt – it’s something at least I can count on to show up… but I’m definitely NOT going to keep holding myself back.  I’m finally starting to understand not only who I am, but what I bring to the world.  My worth.  It’s lovely.  It’s empowering.  Nothing big or flashy… but a nice warmth from the gut kind of thing.

Well neverland, it’s time to log off.  Need to get some sleep.  Sleep well and dream sweet!

lipstick kiss

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