The next chapter begins…

throwaway

I’ve always been of the mindset that it’s another day, another dollar… but lately… it’s more than that.  Life is fricken AWESOME!  Am I allowed to say “Fricken”? 🙂

Got a bunch of boxes unpacked tonight.  Lit some candles.  The house feels incredible.  It’s becoming a home.  Something I didn’t think would happen.  Happiness feels good.

I visited my grandma today.  It’s weird… I got a phone call from my mother during my lunch break at work today and she was requesting that I leave work and go sit with Nana.  Granddad is in the hospital and not doing very well.  She was worried to leave her by herself for too long.  So I dropped everything and drove over to her house.  Walked in, made her a cup of tea and sat and chatted.  It’s been a while since I’ve been able to do something like that.  Especially just Nana alone.  It was lovely.  We talked about all sorts of things.  Life, love, family, the new house, decorating, relationships and marriages, kids, travel… it’s been far too long since I’ve sat down with her and talked about things that really matter to me.  She got tired about 2 hours into it and requested that I watch over her while she napped.  Funny, this is the woman who raised me… and here I sat, watching her drift off to sleep.  I felt incredibly protective of her at that moment.  My step dad showed up and let me go home.  He would take over the duty of watching over her.

As I drove home, I reflected on all the times that she’d watch over me.  Times when I was sick, or sad, or struggling with some life struggle.  Interesting how life takes a turn and suddenly the children are the ones who take over and care for the parents.

Usually, when I see my grandparents, I’m struck with how inadequate I am.  How I’m not good enough or how I could do better in life in so many ways… but not this time.  This time, when I left and drove home to pick up my son… I felt pride.  I felt accomplished.  I felt this heavy and amazing feeling that I have made it.  I’m somebody my family is proud of.  My family is proud of who I am, what I’ve done… who I am and who I am becoming.  And for once, I felt it.  Too bad I can’t channel that feeling all the time… would be nice to kiss my low self esteem goodbye for good.  But whatever.. i’ll take the moment.  🙂

Goodnight neverland… talk soon.

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