It turned out to be a good week at work, and it ended on a high note with a great weekend. I spent time with the kiddos, got caught up on a few chores, and generally just enjoyed some time at home.
Tomorrow, a new week will start. I’m excited for it, as I made some interesting progress last week that should carry forward into these next few and the progress has me anticipating what will come around the bend.
I have my counselor appointment tomorrow. I’m starting to see “progress”. I put that in quotes because I don’t know that it’s progress as in moving forward just yet. It’s more of about coming to an understanding of why I am the way I am, how I work, and what the patterns are for my behavior. Honestly, it’s been kind of fascinating so far. It’s also been incredibly difficult. I didn’t expect to have to open up old wounds. Not sure why I didn’t. I think I thought – “Hey, I’m in a crisis mode right now, let’s Band-Aid it and move on…” But no, it doesn’t work like that.
I read through some old journals this past week. It was incredibly eye opening, and made me feel good about how far I’ve come. How much I’ve changed and grown. I’m definitely not that girl anymore, at least not in big ways. There are still themes that come up tho. I’m still incredibly hard on myself. I’m still a total romantic sap who secretly pines for love notes and music and candle light. I’m still a dreamer and a lover. I crave blanket fort filled rainy days and random dances in the middle of the street. And I need reassurance and praise when I do well or make someone happy. In my past, I was never good at communicating those needs. I’m not even sure I knew they were “needs”. But I’ve worked hard on making sure I communicate better. It’s a learning process. 🙂
I don’t fight anymore – A. Because I don’t have anyone that I need to fight with and B. What purpose does fighting serve? Yelling … I’m sorry but I’ve certainly had my fill of it in the last 12 years. I don’t need any more of it. I’d rather talk it out, calmly find a solution and move on…compromising when needed. It all balances out in the end anyway.
Here’s to a new week… to a stronger, wiser me… to sweet dreams and even brighter futures. Goodnight neverland.