So Damn Happy! :D

Yesterday was by far one of the busiest days I’ve ever had in my career.  And it’s not slowing down anytime soon.  The rest of this week, my calendar for work is booked, double booked and triple booked in some places.  It’s positively crazy.  Next week, it looks very similar.  For some reason, it doesn’t stress me out.  I have no idea how I’m going to get all my work done, but I know that it’ll get done.  And that’s what matters. 🙂

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I woke up this morning with a big goofy cheesy stupid grin on my face.  Despite having odd dreams and having my son come crawl into my bed at 4am.  I should be a zombie.  I should be grumpy and stressed.  But I’m not.  I got dressed, dropped off the daughter at school, sent out a couple quick emails, stopped for coffee, giggled over the morning radio show and made it to my office with 10 minutes to spare before my first task of the day. 

The ex stopped by last night to drop off a few things.  He’s been extremely mopey lately and I called him on it.  I asked if everything was ok and if there was anything I could do to somehow help.  Note to self.  That question can open up a whole can of worms that really, you don’t want to have opened.  Long story short, I’ve moved on with my life, and he hasn’t.  Funny, there was a time when that would have made me feel guilty.  But I refuse to feel bad or guilty or wrong for moving my life forward.  I refuse to feel bad for actively trying to find myself and a bit of happiness.  And that’s the thing… I’ve spent the last year, actively trying to find myself, and through that, happiness.  And you know what?  It’s worked.  I’m happy.  Yea, sometimes I might have a moment where I’ll be in a bit of a mood, or a bit lonely, but overall, I’m down and out seriously content happy.  I can ride the waves with the best of em now.  I guess in some ways, I always could.  But in the past, any life hiccups were stressful.  Now I just roll with it.  Why get your panties in a twist over something that likely was out of your control anyway? 

My birthday is coming up.  Soon.  April 5th. For the first time in my adult life, I’m planning to DO something for it.  And I’m so excited.  I can’t quite put it to words.  Birthdays in the past were just another day.  In fact, they were generally a day that was filled with mixed emotions.  I get the obligatory phone calls from family, sometimes my dad will call – and other years he’ll completely forget.  The ex would never plan anything, or if he did it was last minute and half-assed.  Gifts? ha! I’ve talked about gifts on this blog before.  If I wanted a gift for my birthday, it was up to me to go and pick it out and buy it.  And 10 years of doing that will teach a person to be ok with that.  This year would be no different, as I’m not anticipating any gifts this year.  But this year IS different.  I’m making plans.  Gathering up the gaggle of friends to go and do something memorable.  A scavenger hunt around the city followed by a burlesque show and dinner and drinks at a place with some awesome views of the city, I hope to capture as many happy moments with my camera as I possibly can.  I don’t have to feel like a nuisance or a bother this year.  I don’t have to stress about feeling let down by the lack of caring and lack of planning.  I don’t have to feel hurt that even on my birthday, I am and was never a priority in someone else’s life.  Hell – this year – I’m a priority in my own life.  That alone is a dramatic shift.  A healthy one. 🙂

 

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