I had a bit of a rough go of it last night. Got into a fight with the bro over something really quite stupid. And I mean.. REALLY dumb. I suppose I should restate that… he fought with me. I tried to squash it, tried to make him realize that there was no reason to fight because I was in agreement with him. But I couldn’t tune out the nasty attitude. Went to bed thinking – “great! I traded one asshat for another”. That’s not really true of course, I love my bro and am grateful he’s in my life and that we live together. We kinda need each other right now, and that’s cool. What I don’t like is the occasional fight. The occasional need to walk on eggshells to avoid a fight. The occasional tears that flow when he says something that hurts my feelings. For the most part tho, I don’t let him see that. I woke up this morning and had a great morning. Took my daughter to school, stopped for coffee and hot chocolate on the way in. Sang to music and laughed over some stories on the radio. The ex called just as I pulled into work. Guess he talked to the bro this morning and heard about the argument from last night. Wanted to know what’s going on with me. Sigh. I hate that question. And I only seem to get that question from people who don’t understand or people who don’t always support the decisions I make. That or people that I have chosen to not include in my circle of trust – because they’ve said or done something to lose that right. The ex is one of those people. And sometimes, so is the brother. I share everything with him, but at the same time, I get sick of justifying why I’m doing something – so I stop sharing.
What’s going on with me?
Life! 🙂 I am doing damn well. I have an amazing job – yea it wears me out a little, but I’m LOVING it. I have amazing kids who I enjoy the hell out of and couldn’t imagine not having in my life. I live in a beautiful house that is finally starting to feel like a home – even if it is still oddly empty in places where the ex took furniture and electronics. I have some amazingly awesome friends… some local and some not who are my support system, my rocks… the peeps I turn to for a laugh or to share something silly, the folks I can be honest with about my fears and wishes and hopes and dreams. I, for the most part, don’t stress about bills or money, and love that I have the ability to do what I need or want for my family and friends when they need a little help or spoiling. For the first time in my life, I can see that I’m on the path to something AWESOME. I don’t fully know all the ins and outs of getting there – I don’t think I’m supposed to. It’s not about the destination – it’s about the journey, after all. I’m finally at the point in my life where I realize that I’m pretty damn cool – most of the time. Hey we’re only human, no one can be fucking awesome ALL the time. 🙂 hehe. THAT is what’s going on with me. Dang it all. 🙂 I worked my ass off to get to this place. I’ve been to hell and back, and have no intention of visiting again…if I can help it.
My biggest annoyance through last night and this morning is the fact that the folks who question my life and my choices are the people who are too afraid or too lazy to work to do something to change their own. Maybe it’s arrogant and rude of me, but I don’t feel sorry for you people! I really can’t. I may have, at first, but you are responsible for your own life. The life you have is what you make it. If you’re unhappy with it – DO something to FIX it!! I can’t fix it for you. Hell – even if I could, I wouldn’t. I have my own life to navigate and figure out. I’ll happily be a cheerleader for/to you .. but that’s it. The work – it’s on you. Just like it’s on me for mine. Own it. Live it. Love it. 🙂