Thoughts, wishes and dreams.

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Been thinking… a lot.  I know, I know, no surprise there.  My mind seems to run at a billion miles a second.  There are the people who think in linear ways…

1 – 2 – 3 – 4…

and there are those who think like spider webs…

B
I
A  –  C  – E
I
D

I am the latter.  🙂  And sometimes it serves me well, and other times, not so much.  It’s easy to get “lost in the weeds” when you think like I do.  I think that’s likely why I’ve taken on the mantra of not getting lost in my own head. And so far, it’s been working pretty well.  The one area in my life that I can easily get lost in my own head is when it involves matters of the heart.  I do it when I don’t even realize I’m doing it and “Bam!”, suddenly I’ll have tripped over my own future – only it’s not even the future.  It’s a wish or a dream of the future.  Something I can honestly say I’ve learned a lot about this last year was how to live and cherish life in the moment.  It’s a beautiful thing to be able to do, but sometimes, I forget.  And that’s ok.  I’m only human.  And there are side benefits to thinking the way I do.  Sometimes, getting lost in your own head, helps bring clarity to things you didn’t know you wanted clarity on.

On my way in this morning, I was lost in my own head.  Thinking about what my definition of friendship is, thinking about what I’d want from a relationship right now.  I’m busy.  Supremely busy.  Busier than I’ve ever been.  In some ways, maybe now isn’t the time for me to even be thinking about anything more serious than a friendship.  Heck, I’m having trouble maintaining those lately.  Between work, kids, and being sick recently… I’m finding that spare time is hard to come by.  I’m sure some of my friends feel neglected.  It’s not that I don’t love and care for them.  I do… with all my heart.  I think when you start to go into a relationship with someone, you should be in a place where you can actually devote time to getting to know that person and spend time with them in person.  Today’s society is so full of other forms of communication, that somehow, I think people forget how important it is to spend time with someone.  When I’m dating someone, I need to have interaction with them on a fairly regular schedule for that relationship to grow and thrive; even if it’s just once a week (of course I’d want it a lot more than just once a week, but if I had to, I’d accept that).  Of course, at this point, I’m speaking hypothetically.

I had a weird dream last night.  Well – weird for me.  Dreams and I don’t get along and haven’t in a long time.  But last night, I had a nice dream.  Nice is truly the best way to describe it.  In it, I was hovering over a house.  But I could see through the walls and ceilings when I wanted to.  Inside was a family.  A little broken at times, but happy.  Lots of laughter came from in this house.  The mom was me.  How it was possible that I was two people at once in this dream is beyond me.  There was a man there.  He was fuzzy tho and never cleared up to reveal who I was seeing in my dream.  We were happy, in love, and respected each other.  The kids respected him.  In my dream, we had a disagreement.  There was no yelling, just communication, listening and the desire to understand the other person’s perspective.  At the end of the disagreement, there were hugs and kisses and love…and then laughter as life took over again.  I woke up with a smile on my face.  Knowing that someday… I will have that.  I know it deep down in my heart and soul.  I may be busy now, but someday… 🙂

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