Somethings… maybe we just aren’t meant to understand

I have odd luck.  Always have.  I always manage to get the things I want, when I no longer need them.  Or when I stop wanting them.

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My dad called me last night (yes that’s him in the pic above).  Funny… how many times have I wished the man would pick up his phone and dial my number.  Last night, he did.  What was running through his head, I’ll never know.  The conversation consisted of me answering in surprise.  My dad was straight to the point – sort of.  Asked me how the divorce went.  Asked me how the kids are doing. Asked me if I had a good job.  Asked me how my love life was.  And then said he loved me, that I should come see him this weekend and hung up.  The entire call lasted under 4 minutes.  Great!  I haven’t talked to you in MONTHS and the first time you call me to catch up and it’s under 4 minutes?! What the hell?!  Was it something I said?  Was he upset that overall I’m doing very well?  Sorry dad, don’t need you to come to my rescue.  Hell – don’t need any man to come to my rescue – I do just fine on my own, thank you VERY much.  Was it guilt?  Did he have a moment of guilt where he thought – “Gee I haven’t talked to Jen in forever, I should call her!”?  I wish I understood what runs through his head.  I wish I could turn off the fact that regardless … all our history aside, he’s my dad.  I will always love him.  I will always remain loyal to him.  He’s a cool dude.  Always has been in many ways.  A ladies man.  All my friends growing up thought he was hot.  Drove me crazy.  But the older I get, the more I see a lot of him in me.  Some of that good, some of that bad.  I guess I need to come to terms with it being what it is.  I will likely always crave his presence in my life – even tho I know that in his case, his presence is toxic.

Ok -well enough of THAT topic.

What else has been on my mind lately?  Far too much.  Addiction and recovery, Life, Love, Work, Kids, Labels… all sorts of things.

I’m sitting at work realizing that I obviously need to go shopping again soon.  My normally fitting jeans are suddenly falling off! lol.  Such a fantastic problem to have, as it means my weight loss is still going strong, but I’m kind of wishing I’d have figured out they were going to do that before I left the house.  Might have to make a trip at lunch time.  🙂

Happy Wednesday everyone!

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